Dick Monfort is baseball’s Captain Ahab, shaking a gilded fist at the system while his CoLLLLLLorado Rockies can’t stop drowning on dry land.
Yet Moby Dick stands defiant along the bow of the S.S. Coors, harpoon at the ready. Only his white whale is a salary cap, and his ship is taking on water faster than the Pequod did in Herman Melville’s original text.
At Cinco de Mayo, the Rockies sat 17 games out of first. At 6-28, Monfort’s Rox are only a game ahead of the 1988 Orioles (5-29), who went on to lose 107 games; and two games back of the 2024 White Sox (8-26), who lost 121.
Monfort wants a cap the way Ahab wanted that whale. But come on — nobody’s obsessed about Major League Baseball’s economic model enough to trot out a 120-loss team on purpose. After all, that would take planning. Innovation, even.
“I’m not sure how much I buy that,” FanGraphs’ Dan Szymborski, father of the ZiPS projection system, told me by phone Monday.
“I think the team, and its ownership — it’s run pretty terribly. But honestly, I don’t think (Monfort is) vindictive that way. If this were the Reds, if that were (Cincinnati owner) Bob Castellini, I might’ve bought that.
“The Rockies are just in a weird place right now. Overall, it’s better run than it was three/four years ago. It’s just been so hard to dig out of that hole. And they haven’t had a ton go right.”
Don’t want to alarm Dan, but a ton of things could get worse. The 6-28 Rockies have eight series between now and June 1. Seven of those are against teams with winning records — Texas, at 17-18 as of Monday morning, being the lone “reprieve.”
Four of those eight are with clubs (Tigers, Yankees, Cubs, Mets) that led their respective divisions at the start of the week, starting with a three-game set vs. Detroit (22-13) that opens Tuesday night at Coors Field.
“I hope they have the worst season they’ve ever had,” longtime ex-Rockies fan and comedian Bob Meddles told me Monday. “I don’t see any other way to leverage Monfort out of there, unless it’s by complete and total humiliation.”
Bob’s rooting for 122 losses, which would beat the ChiSox’s record set just last year. Why go for broke when you can go for broken?
“To win that few games, you need to be awful, and you also have to have absolutely nothing go your way,” Szymborski said. “Not much has gone the Rockies’ way so far this year. At some point, you would imagine they’ll get some good fortune … they’ve kind of hit snake eyes on all these things. They’ve had a lot go wrong.
“Realistically speaking, if you could play the worst teams 162 games, it would be really hard to find that team with average luck that wins below 50 or so that often. You have to be bad and be ‘luck’ bad.”
And if you’re both, well, look out below. On May 5, Kyle Freeland and German Marquez were a combined 0-10. If the old Boston Braves’ pitching was described as “Spahn and Sain and pray for rain,” the slogan for the ’25 Rockies rotation might as well be, “Ryan (Feltner) and Chase (Dollander) and pass the mace.”
Fire Bud Black, you say. Why? If you’re forced to sit through this season, then so should he.
Szymborski had the ZiPS computer run through a new simulation of the rest of the Rockies’ season for The Post on Monday afternoon.
The AI gave the Rox a 14.3% chance to reach 121 losses and an 11.9% shot of hitting 122 defeats or more.
On the other hand, those 121-loss odds are double what they were just last week (7%), Dan noted. And so are the chances of Colorado breaking the ChiSox’s record (5.2% a week ago).
“There are things to like about the organization,” Szymborski added. “But there are also some tough questions. Like, ‘When do you tell Kris Bryant this is not happening?’ When do you move beyond Ryan McMahon and trade him while he still has value?’
“They’re still cringe in how things are run. Obviously, their record is completely cringe. There are still things to like.”
And things that make you wonder. A lockout and a nuclear winter are looming on Dec. 1, 2026, when the current MLB collective bargaining agreement expires.
This is shaping up to be a big one, too. Never mind the usual gripes of owners vs. players. We’re going to have some billionaire-on-billionaire violence. Small-market owners vs. the owners of the Dodgers, Yankees and Mets. Teams with their own TV networks vs. those who got burned by the RSN collapse. It’ll look like the Hardy Boyz against Brock Lesnar, minus the folding chairs.
“On one level, at least they’re willing to try some of these minor-leaguers that they weren’t a few years ago,” Szymborski said.
“The Bridich administration would never have given Nolan Jones a real shot in the first place … I think this team is more willing to look at (young) players. The problem is, they haven’t really developed them to this point.
“Michael Toglia — the Bridich (front office) wouldn’t have even given him a shot at the majors. It would be Anthony Rizzo (at first base) on an awful contract. They seem willing to make some trades at the deadline. They haven’t spent an obscene amount of money on relief pitching. It was brutal there.”
Dude, it’s still brutal. And about to get worse.
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